Archive for January, 2012

The Process Begins

Posted: January 13, 2012 in The Beginning

I have decided to write a blog (though bear with me I am not that good right now) about the biggest thing going on in my life.  This way I can share with any of you who want to know what it is like to be me… more importantly what it is like to go through the transition that I am embarking on.  For those of you who do not know, I am in the process of transitioning from female to male.  I know probably a shocker for some of you, and probably a no brainer for others of you.

This is a big thing in my life, and though most of you are just hearing about it now, it is a process that started many months, even years ago.  For most of the people who knew me in high school it was not shocking to find out I was a lesbian… I am sure many of them thought it to be true back then, and it probably was… I was just not aware of it.  Being a lesbian was an easy coming out for me, my world to that point made sense as soon as I came out.  I have loved loving woman ever since, and life has been good for the most part… there are always those ups and downs in relationships….

But there was still something missing in my life….. something just not right when I looked in the mirror, when I looked at the totality of me… The person looking back at me, was not me… not the REAL ME anyway.  So thus began a very hesitant exploration into what was missing and what would fit… The years of short hair and being mistaken as a man in the women’s room, well they never bothered me, I liked being called sir by mistake.  Girl cloths… well they never fit right, they where not comfortable.  Shaving, that was too much work… first the arms, then the legs.  But they all still did not quite give me that matching feeling of what I saw and who I knew I was on the inside.  The closet I came was when I was doing drag king shows…. but that feeling never lasted long enough.  “Dressing-up” at home was the next best thing.  “Putting” on that facial hair, packing, binding down my chest…. playing a male every Halloween that I could, just to have an excuses.  Again they where not enough, my life was not mine, I was not me.

So here I am traveling down a new road, with a whole new life ahead of me and I am so FRACKIN’ EXCITED (sorry been watching a lot of Battlestar Galactica lately).  This week I started my first injection of Testosterone (or “T” as you will hear me refer to it).  It was a very exciting and scary process.  The needles where kind of intimidating.  I have many tattoos and have given and received acupuncture… but man the thought of that needle in my leg, it was a little scary.  It took me a good 10 min to work up putting it.  Then it startled me I actually pulled the needle out.  After another try at it, I was able to successfully administered my first dose of T.

I will say, it is a gradual process, the amount of T that one gets.  So this first dose was very small.  As of yet, and we are almost 24hrs post initial injection, there are no dramatic changes.  I did not expect any really.  What I have heard and read are that the voice is one of the first things to change.  So I will be interested in seeing how low mine becomes and how squeaky it gets on its way there.  This will be like doing puberty all over again, only with a lot more knowledge, and from the other side.  It will be interesting for sure.

Well, that is all for my first blog.  I will be adding pics (if I am able) or at least links to stuff so you can see the physical changes along with reading about them.

Thanks for reading.

Robbie

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